She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
