would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
