The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
