I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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