found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
