I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
