I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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