dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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