One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
