My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
