did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
