and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize