Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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