He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
