I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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