Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
