i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
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One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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