Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
