I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
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I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
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Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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