party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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