she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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