Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
