I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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