i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
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when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
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A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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