Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
