My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
