I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
