Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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