I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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