you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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