oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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