I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize