I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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