Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
