The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He passed out mid-signature
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
