Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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