She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Even my vagina gasped.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
