Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
