summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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