im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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