this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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