Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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