I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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