But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
