Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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