i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Still dying that you shit outside
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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