Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
