I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
do nipples grow back?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
