No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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