I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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