btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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