i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
she smelled like a LAN party
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
