He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Is it penis luge time yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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