ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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