Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
