the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
