She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
