It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
