I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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