Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My hand turned me down
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
