Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
