My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Randomize
