I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
