Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
