tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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