Please, let me fuck your mom
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
