and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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