Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Randomize
