I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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