ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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