You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
