she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Did you pee in the oven last night??
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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