I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
